Dear 'Friends'
You’re making me chose. I hate choosing. He and I have only started dating and I feel guilty going out and not inviting you along. It seems selfish. Perhaps I shouldn't feel this but I so. But if you are uncomfortable you should have told me, not make me feel like I was the worst in the world of caring and trying to hard. You hurt me. Really, really hurt me. And it's not going to be the same.
You have always come first, before me and my new BF and I have always made this clear. And I have always been extra careful. So why do you throw this back in my face in such a rude manner. Boyfriends come and go but friends shouldn't. And I wasn't planning on you going so soon - but you've pushed that along for yourselves while blaming me.
Before you egged me on to go out with him so you could meet new friends and new people to add to our trio, but all of a sudden you don't want that. Am I supposed to guess that you 'aren’t in the mood anymore' to meet new people? Apparently I was told - but was I fuck!
I am outraged that you are doing this to me! Fucking outraged that you dare say that I am not trying when everything I do revolves around you both and your fucking immature ideas. I hate you. I loath you and so be it if I’m alone again - but I’m not going to be pushed around. Not again. And fuck I feel so wrong writing this and feeling this but I do. I am scared to contact you and even though we have ' resolved it ' I still feel like the bad guy and I feel so outraged and upset and just hurt.
What more can I say. But I don't think I wanted to be treated like this anymore – I don’t want to have to watch everything I say and do when I am around you both and I no longer want to have to listen to you both bitch about people who are different. Yes they may be rude to us for whom we are but be bigger than them and don't go to their level. Everyone should have an opinion - why can't they and we both?
I don't think our friendship can be treated as 'best' anymore.
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